Your parenting style is

Type I parents are good at setting rules, making them clear, and seeing to it that their children stick to them. By doing this, you teach your children to value work, tradition, and respect for authority. While some parents allow their children's missteps to go unnoticed, you prefer to call them out with swift punishment. This way, your children learn to abide by and honor agreements, whether written, spoken, or simply understood. This is a valuable skill they will carry into their relationships with other people.

Yours is a very direct style of parenting, as opposed to a suggestive approach. By acting in this way, you establish relationships with your children that revolve around unwavering demands to comply with your requests. The suggestive approach might seem too soft to you. When you leave children to make decisions on their own, you might feel they are more likely to go astray. After all, they don't have the experience and knowledge that you do. That's why giving them rules and expectations as guidelines probably makes more sense to you.

All in all, your direct method of parenting is often highly effective. You, more than other parents, are likely to see more immediate results with your children since the boundaries you set are so clear. They know what to expect, so they know how to adapt their behavior accordingly.

Positive Effects of Your Parenting Style
Children of Type I parents tend to become capable, confident, and socially competent adults. They often have a strong sense of self and well-developed notions of personal boundaries. They tend to posses high levels of self-esteem, a positive outlook, and a high level of self-confidence.

As a result, they tend to naturally steer away from bad habits, such as destructive drug use and excessive drinking. Those behaviors in particular are socially linked to the search for identity and acceptance.

Cross-cultural research has also linked your parenting style with children who excel in academics. If Type I parents not only encourage their children to stick to the rules, but also to be creative, then this parenting pattern can further inspire motivation and competence in academics.

In fact, some research suggests that the level of parental demandingness is positively associated with levels of social assertiveness on the part of children. That is, if parents enforce a strict set of standards, then their children will likely internalize these standards and hold themselves to them as they grow older - even in situations where peers are acting in ways that violate these rules. Basically, many children reared by Type I parents are less willing to succumb to peer pressure, and are thus somewhat inoculated against taking part in dangerous behaviors. On a less dramatic level, this style of parenting can even lead children away from relatively minor infractions, such as skipping class.

Negative Effects of Your Parenting Style
The biggest red flag for Type I parents is to make sure their rules and emphasis on obedience doesn't overshadow elements that all children need to thrive — elements such as providing a nurturing environment, forgiveness, and acceptance. These ingredients are of equal importance in the parenting game. Strict standards coupled with harsh punishments can lead your children to follow rules when they are supervised. There is a risk that when unsupervised, children who feel too yoked in by rules will rebel. And this could have some unfortunate long-term results.

Also, if rules are applied inconsistently, with excessive emotion, or too severely, children might also turn their backs on them. Being a demanding parent is not a bad thing, but your children must understand the logic behind your demands. Think of the rules that you follow — even simple ones, like stopping at 4-way stop signs. You're compelled to stop not because it's the law, but because you understand the importance of being a courteous driver and the reciprocal nature of taking turns. You can apply the same logic while coaching your children on how to interact with others.

If you demand a lot from your child, be ready to return a lot. Attentiveness, open ears, and support must counterbalance your perceived strictness. Otherwise, your child might be compelled to follow these rules only in order to avoid punishment or to seek your approval.

The "strict discipline" approach to parenting, when not coupled with a warm and affectionate way of interacting with the child, creates a one-way parent-child relationship, wherein the parent acts as dictator while the child has no say in what goes on. In this way, this Type I parenting style can lead children to be less spontaneous, independent, and curious than their peers. It can also lead children toward being more socially withdrawn, with low self-esteem and low motivation for academic and intellectual performance. In these cases, obedience comes at the expense of a child's long-term creativity and competence — qualities a child obviously needs in order to succeed in future academic and business settings, not to mention personal relationships.




Go to great lengths to make your relationship with your child a two-way street. Enforce your rules, but make sure you make clear the reasons behind them and the personal benefits that your child will reap by following them. Keep in mind, however, that research has demonstrated that the most effective punishments are moderate, rather than severe, and always associated with a positive reinforcement. That way, your children learn not only what they should not do, but what to do as well.

Punishment tells a child, "Do not do this." The vacuum created by a "Do not" must be filled with a "Do." Make it clear to them what they should have been doing at the time they were breaking a rule. That way, they will learn the "correct" behavior while simultaneously unlearning the "incorrect" behavior.


Research suggests that when it comes right down to it, there are two main dimensions that contribute to different people's parenting styles. Those dimensions are Parental Warmth and Parental Control.


Parental Warmth

Parental Warmth is an overall dimension that measures the amount of support or affection a parent provides. It can be looked at in terms of how much a parent encourages open communication and discussion of feelings, as well as how much a parent empathizes with their children and offers them unconditional love and support.

Here's how you scored on the Parental Warmth scale:


62%62%


0 100%


You received a score of 62 on our measure of Parental Warmth. This indicates that you fall into the less emotionally expressive side of the spectrum, at least relative to your child. The most obvious threat here is that your children might perceive your low level of Parental Warmth as a low level of love and concern. Research suggests that children of such parents perceive them as being stern, and sometimes standoffish or even hostile.

Research often associates parents who fall low on the Parental Warmth scale with children who receive less than the optimal amount of support. This can contribute to higher than average levels of insecurity among these children. It is also linked to social irresponsibility and below average success in academics. Lower Parental Warmth ratings are also associated with heightened levels of aggression among children.

On the other hand, excessive Parental Warmth can also be problematic. Fortunately, there is an optimal middle ground. Studies suggest that, coupled with a reasonable amount of Parental Control, these negative effects may be avoided.




If a situation with your child arises and you're uncertain how to handle it, remember that it is better for you to err on the side of being more emotionally available, affectionate, and supportive of your child rather than less. Also know it's okay to edit your initial responses. If your child has done something bad, it's all right to express your anger or disappointment — as long as you follow it up with an explanation: You weren't mad that your child wandered off without telling you, you were just so scared something had happened to them that you yelled at them. You don't think your child is stupid for getting a bad grade, you're just disappointed because you know they're so smart and can do so much better if they just spend a little more time studying. Remember, children are just learning to differentiate between emotions and responses, so they might need some clarification to tell the difference between anger, fear, disappointment, and all the subtle expressions in between.

If you're open to expressing your feelings and concerns, your children in return will be better able to cope and find the right emotions for their daily interactions — even when you're not around to guide them. Telling your children how you feel and explaining those feelings — even when they are negative — shows them you're invested and that you care.

Parental Control

Parental Control is an overall dimension that measures the degree to which parents monitor, discipline, and regulate their children. It also indicates how strongly parents feel about enforcing rules and expecting their children to take responsibility for their actions.

Here's how you scored on the Parental Control scale:


89%89%


0 100%


You scored high on our measure of Parental Control, which research suggests is generally a very good thing for your children. High levels of Parental Control can have quite positive ramifications in your children's lives — everything from interest in academics to high self-esteem and independence. You set up standards and boundaries, and you consistently enforce these boundaries, thereby providing your children with a consistent and predictable sense of what is expected of them. This sort of parenting teaches children to engage their curiosity and spontaneity in a safe, emotionally comprehensible, and approachable environment. That is, it will give them the knowledge to where and when they can push the limits a little.

So, you've got the whole Parental Control thing well under control. But be mindful of how you exercise that control. Punishment, when it is dished out, need not be very physical or emotionally charged to be effective. And sometimes that's hard to keep in mind.


The level of control you exercise when it comes to your children is probably good — just make sure your rules are reasonable, and your punishments fair. The best thing you can do is try to remain calm but focused during times of deciding punishment. When faced with a confrontation that could escalate verbally, opt for a more studied approach, like the removal of a privilege that your children usually get to enjoy, or even the old standby, the "time-out." There's a good reason so many parents use that tactic — it really works, and it actually gives your children a few minutes to think about what they've done and why it was wrong. Also, it gives both you and your children time to cool off. Ideally, high Parental Control should be coupled with high Parental Warmth, thereby creating a situation wherein punishment seems just, and children may even feel that they deserved the punishment they received. Act in response to your children's transgressions, but do not over-react. Keep up the good work, and in times of stress keep your mind on the fact that no matter what your children do, your love for them prevails.


Of course you're your own person. But you might not realize the impact your own rearing has on the way you raise your children. Since this test was designed to show you how your actions affect your children, we wanted also to show you what your parents' parenting style might have to do with how you turned out.

Just one caveat, this is just an estimation of what your parents' parenting style is since our aim was not to measure this with the same accuracy as your parenting style.


Your parents' parenting style:

A loose look at how you answered questions about how you were raised suggests your parents were Type I parents. When you were growing up, did your parents tend to focus on showing you how to follow rules. They may have been very strict, or they may have only set a handful of boundaries for you, but either way it seems likely that they were careful to hold you to the boundaries they did set up. If their parenting was consistent and successful, then you internalized a clear sense of personal responsibility and ethics. Research suggests that children raised by mindful Type I parents often end up academically interested and competent and with clear personal goals.


Your Parents' Parental Warmth Score


50%50%


0 100%


Based on your answers to some of our questions about your parents, we determined their Parental Warmth score to be 50%.

Your estimation indicates that your parents' level of day-to-day emotional expressiveness was on the lower side of the spectrum. This score suggests that they were somewhat reserved, emotionally speaking, and may have even seemed a bit distant. Perhaps they were sometimes very warm and affectionate, but not consistently or on a day-to-day basis. However, research has found that parents' low levels of demonstrated warmth are related to feelings of reduced personal emotional security among their children. Of course, parents who do not rely on demonstrating explicit affection for their children might show their love in equally constant and effective, implicit ways. Perhaps this was your experience. These more subtle implicit methods could easily provide a child with the affection he or she requires to feel personally secure and confident.


Your Parents' Parental Control Score


100%100%


0 100%


Based on your responses to some questions on our test, you seem to estimate your parents' degree of Parental Control while you were growing up to have been around 100%.

Your parents kept a pretty close eye on you when you were little. It sounds like they were pretty strict, or at least very willing to set and enforce "the rules." Maybe there was even a lot of "because I said so" thrown around the dinner table.

Children with parents like yours tend to be very obedient, following their parents' rules pretty closely. Interestingly, children raised by such parents often grow up with enhanced senses of self-reliance and personal responsibility, especially if the parents are also very affectionate with them.

However, it seems that if high levels of Parental Warmth do not accompany this high level of control, then the obedience gained is often done so at the expense of a certain amount of the child's spontaneity and creativity. Children can develop these qualities anyway, of course, simply depending on the child and his or her situation. What's more, some parents that score where yours did do manage to raise children in a fairly strict household without stepping on their creative and expressive spirit.



Overall, research suggests that optimal parenting, for most people, involves giving a child lots of unconditional love, affection, and day-to-day involvement. Remember to couple this with clear and consistent limits and boundaries. Sometimes those might seem like contradictory actions — but that's what makes parenting such a challenge. Or at least, that's one of the hundreds of things that makes parenting such a challenge. And when we see progress in our children's behavior, whether that is in school, or on the playground, or just in the back seat of the car during rush hour, we remember why this job is so worth it. When it comes to putting everything that you've read thus far into action, it's best to start with this goal: attain a high level of both Parental Warmth and Parental Control.

Parental Warmth
Moderate-to-high levels of Parental Warmth teach your children that you can be trusted to be there for them when they need you. In the short-term, you become a "home base," to which your children can return if they become unsure of themselves. This is very important for a child's development into an independent and secure individual, since having such a zone of safety makes it easier for them to venture out and explore freely.

Basically, while a child is young, a parent provides vital emotional and physical consistency in a world that becomes more and more complex, confusing, and challenging every day. This warmth allows children to learn to interact with the world in their own way, with the knowledge that if they have a problem they cannot solve, they can go to you to help deal with it. In this way, they develop creativity, problem-solving skills, spontaneity, and a willingness to engage their world independently.

Parental Control
Similarly, moderate-to-high levels of Parental Control seem to optimally help children learn the other side of independence: self-control and personal responsibility. Research bears witness to the old idea that children crave discipline.

Parents who monitor and set consistent limits for their children on average end up raising kids who are academically motivated and very self-reliant and responsible. In order to learn to do what you, as their parent, want them to do, children must have boundaries set for them, the violation of which should lead to predictable consequences. It might seem, at times, a bit cut and dry, but it's hard to deny that structure makes learning easier. Think of your own day: how easy would it be to follow a schedule if you didn't have a schedule to follow?

Again, the key word is consistency. If your little ones know that you will not put up with them throwing a tantrum in public, and that in fact you respond much more favorably when they ask for things calmly and reasonably, then they are going to work to change to doing things your way. They will learn not to throw a tantrum pretty quickly when they discover that you give them what they want more often when they do ask calmly. Your children want to make you happy and they very much seek your approval. Having a clear set of rules to operate under makes this easier for them, and it reduces the chance that they'll become frustrated.




Putting the recommended amounts of Parental Control and Parental Warmth together creates both an effective parenting pattern and a clear and loving parent-child relationship. But taking this report and applying what you've learned is the next, and obviously most vital, step. So you might be asking yourself: What does the life of the Uber-Parent look like?

Be child-centered instead of parent-centered.
Quite simply, you'll show an interest in your children's day-to-day activities, potentially even above your own day-to-day business. Know your children's whereabouts and activities, as well as with whom they are good friends (we all know this changes from day to day) and therefore associating on a daily basis. Be interested in your child's schooling, and even involved in his or her schoolwork. And most of all, those lines of communications will be open, 24x7. Talk to your kids every day; always keep your parent-child relationship active, fresh, and heart-felt.

Put your parent-child relationship on a two-way street.
Reciprocity is a vital component in any relationship, and this is especially true between parent and child. You want your children to respect you and to pay attention to information and feedback that you offer, so you should initiate this process by showing your respect to them. Pay attention to them when they have news — even if it seems banal to you. A mutually rewarding parent-child relationship is all about establishing a give-and-take.

Build trust with your children. Increase their sense of belonging in the family by involving them in family decision-making processes, both major and minor. Truly consider their opinions when they express them. Help your children to participate in your life and theirs by soliciting their input and their involvement.

Take a calm and measured approach to discipline.
When one of the rules is broken, avoid immediate punishment. Sit and discuss the issue, and involve your children, where and when appropriate, by asking what they did that made you upset and what they could have done differently. Generally, research has found it best to avoid physical punishment, as it does not seem to lead to long-term obedience in children. Punishments such as spanking tend to, at best, only achieve a child's short-term compliance, and even this is only based on their desire to avoid something bad from happening, as opposed to trying to make good things happen. Furthermore, this short-term obedience is often gained at the expense of something you would like to nurture in your children, such as their creativity or inquisitiveness.

Be firm, but be fair, and make sure the consequences fit the action. If your child is doing badly in school because of refusing to do homework, remove the right to engage in some privileged activity, such as watching the television, until that homework gets done every night. Check your children's homework, and perhaps even sit and help them finish it as a fun, collective activity. Reward them for doing their homework by cooking them a special meal, or taking them someplace special sometime. The bottom-line is: when you demonstrate disapproval, try to then find a way to express approval for good behavior.

It's never too late to make changes that will help your children become healthy, happy adults. But for the smoothest development, start early. Studies show that parents' styles of child rearing during the first three to four years, determine the basis of the child's self-esteem, according to McKay & Fanning, Self-Esteem, 1992.

This finding backs up what we know intuitively: before parents can expect a good parent-child relationship, and a well-behaved, thoughtful child, they must first establish a strong foundation. Those first years of child rearing are vitally important. As a parent, the way you structure your interactions with your children to a large extent determine how they will end up. Research, and common-sense, say that children raised by parents who use a reciprocal, give-and-take method of creating an enduring parent-child relationship tend to do well. They often end up with high self-esteem, are academically competent, socially responsible, and increasingly self-reliant as they grow older. They also develop a strong sense of self-control and personal responsibility.

Regardless of where you are in your parenting track, don't underestimate children's ability to bounce-back and adapt to new things. Think of your own childhood. Most likely, you had some hellion peers who are now well-balanced, successful, contributing members of society, with children of their own. We all go through some intensely emotional, transitory stages in life. For some of us, that's a polite definition of 'adolescence.' But even the most rebellious, defiant children can become very successful, competent adults with rich and stable emotional lives. What's most important for you is to not lose sight of that, and to remain patient and positive at all times...or at least as much as possible. Parenting is a life-long process, and an evolutionary one; so take all the hints you can, be supportive and keep giving it your all!

Beyond all the research-backed suggestions we've brought you in this report, the most important thing you can give your children is belief in yourself as a parent. Essentially, parenting is about common sense. Unfortunately, day-to-day worries and anxieties, combined with the trials and tribulations that go along with raising a child, can sometimes confuse us and muddle our priorities.

Difficulties come, and difficulties go, but your relationship with your child endures. So keep learning as much as you can and enjoy the privilege of parenting. It is a never-ending relationship that will enrich your life as well as those around you.




Type II
Type II parents give their children freedom to engage and explore their world in their own way. You believe in a child's natural right to express his or her feelings, desires, and curiosities, and you do not want to stunt this explorative nature with excessive rules and regulations.

You also understand the value of rules and importance of structure in children's lives, but you care more about their feelings and experiences as individuals than about their rigid adherence to an arbitrary set of rules.

The company line in your house might be "lights out at 10:00," but it's not a big deal if a special television program or an out-of-town guest pushes that back an hour or so. You provide your children with ample love, affection, and emotional support, so they know that you are there when they need you.

Type II parents like you believe that good rules have an element of elasticity to them. You also buffer your children with ample nurturing. As a result, your children are curious, and willing to test the rules and risk getting in trouble in order to satisfy this curiosity. With your parenting style, parent-child interactions tend to revolve around this rule-testing, with parents often willing to back down. And, as with all styles of parenting, this leads to some breakthroughs and some pitfalls.


Type III
Type III parents strike a difficult balance with their children — one between authority and friend. To your children, you are both the rule maker and the confidante. You're very involved in their lives and you've established open verbal communication with them. You are very demanding but very responsive to them as well. You hold your children to a fairly high standard of behavior, but also work hard to be open and emotionally available whenever they need you. You set clear and consistent boundaries to which you ask their respect and adherence, but you do so in a warm, affectionate, and fair manner.

You nurture a child's self-reliance and independence by doing things such as including them in family decision-making processes. You run your family like a democracy, wherein your children feel respected and free to question your viewpoints and disagree with the rules of the house. In a manner of speaking, you encourage them to contribute to their own parenting on a day-to-day basis. Punishments, when they happen, do not tend to be distributed in a highly emotional or physical manner, with a lot of yelling or spanking. Rather, they are carried out using more of a non-emotional system of consequences, such as withdrawal of one of the child's privileges or calling for a time-out.


Type IV
As a Type IV parent, you offer your child unequivocal freedom. You've freed your children from the constraints of excessive parental boundary-setting, as well as from perpetual parental coddling and doting. Maybe you consider such things unnecessary, or harmful, or just a waste of time. Perhaps you feel that life itself is the best teacher, and there are some hard lessons that we can only really learn on our own. You're protective of your children, but you believe that your presence in their lives should be more implicit than explicit. Occasionally you must enforce a rule or two, but you prefer to allow your children to learn according to their own schedule and through their own mistakes. Your parenting pattern shows that you do not hold their hands at every possible moment. You consider it important for them to, as they age, maintain a rich and healthy life outside of their parent-child relationship.

Your child is important to you, but so are your personal and professional goals, your ambitions, and your life outside of your role as a parent. As a result, your child receives a generous dose of freedom in life as well as a model for how to go about getting what you want in life. But parenting, as you well know, is a tricky game, and you need to be mindful of the freedom you afford them. As with every aspect of life, you need to strike a balance.

The research behind the test rests on theories developed and brought together by psychologists Diana Baumrind, Ph.D, Eleanor E. Maccoby, Ph.D and John A. Martin, Ph.D.

Dr. Diana Baumrind, currently a research psychologist at UC Berkeley, has been a leading researcher in the field of developmental psychology for over forty years. Her work on patterns of parental authority (1971) provided the primary basis for this test. Her work in this area firmly established Parental Control and Parental Warmth as two very important dimensions in studying parenting style, while it also gave rise to the basic version of the four different styles that one arrives at when crossing these two dimensions.

Dr. Eleanor Maccoby, a professor emeritus at Stanford University, is one of the foremost developmental psychology researchers in the world today. She has worked to clarify patterns of parent-child interaction and their effects in homes that are comprised of both parents and in homes where a divorce has occurred, as well as on the extent and origins of the differences between the sexes. Dr. Maccoby and Dr. John Martin (1983) synthesized a wide variety of related research done over the prior 20 years, and especially that of Dr. Baumrind, to create the four parenting styles that we used in our test.

It is interesting to note that contemporary research in developmental psychology focuses less upon parenting style and more on the parent-child relationship and entire system of interactions more holistically. Thus, experimental developmental psychology today tends to employ observational methods of study, as opposed to such self-report methods as were used in our test, due to the fact that people can not be relied upon to even be able to accurately report about themselves. This problem is especially evident when discussing potentially sensitive topics, such as one's relationship with one's children.